From rcmurphy at gmail.com Tue May 2 03:11:02 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Tue May 2 03:11:05 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- Internet (video game) -- Message-ID: Internet is a MMORPG played on a heavily modified text adventure engine. It is the second game in the Really Big-Ass Networks series. With over 1 billion players, Internet is the most popular MMORPG, easily beating stupid shit like RuneScape. Through Internet's text description-based technology, players can create any character they want. Many players use this feature to create characters that would be considered absurd by real life standards. The average Internet character has some impressive stats: IQ: 241 Max bench press: 932 pounds Death rate: 4 characters per decade Penis: horse's Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Internet_(video_game) From rcmurphy at gmail.com Thu May 4 03:18:18 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Thu May 4 03:25:29 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- Age of Umpires -- Message-ID: Age of Umpires is a highly successful RPG/Strategy video game series by Microsoft and Ensemble Studios. In it, the player takes control of a team of Umpires with the primary aim of officiating cricket matches. Currently in its second reincarnation, the series has been massively popular in Britain, Australia, and strangely the United States. Perhaps they get a kick out of seeing blithering British pensioners battered to a pulp... The game's appeal stretches further than simply umpiring cricket matches. Your ageing officials are constantly in need of supplies, which must be gathered from various parts of the ground. This is where the successful player excels: trips to the pavilion at the end of each over must be swift, as such tasks as collecting six packs of Scrumpy Jack and emptying your bladder must be performed at regular intervals and against the clock. Failure to do so results in crowd disturbances and unless the unruly mob and their heavy projectiles can be avoided, a game over situation results. Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Age_of_Umpires From rcmurphy at gmail.com Fri May 5 04:42:23 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Fri May 5 04:42:26 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] Join Uncyclopedia's Folding@Home team Message-ID: Now's your chance to be a part of history! Join the Uncyclopedia Folding@Home team for fun* and profit**: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Folding%40home We're currently trying to catch up with the Wikimedia team, who has a substantial lead on us. Only with your help can we overcome them, restore peace to the galaxy and prove once and for all that nonsense really is superior to that factual stuff they try to peddle. How to Join: 1. Download the software (http://folding.stanford.edu/download.html) and choose a user name. Use your Uncyclopedia name or some variation, so we can recognize you from the site. 2. Install and configure with your user name and the Uncyclopedia team number, which is 47797. 3. Run it and forget about it. Folding an individual work unit (WU) can take hours or days, depending on your computer and the size of the work unit. Get folding! *Fun may or may not actually occur **Profit includes saving people and getting sweet sig additions and awards on Uncyc From rcmurphy at gmail.com Sat May 6 03:27:51 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Sat May 6 03:27:54 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- The Root of All Evil -- Message-ID: The Root of All Evil is a popular tourist destination located at the head of the Persian Gulf, on the modern-day shoreline north of the original site of the Garden of Eden (now submerged under the Gulf waters). "The Root", as it is colloquially known, was established in the year 277 Anno Mundi, or thereabouts. No one really bothers to write these things down, the failure rate of new businesses being what they are in a competitive marketplace?particularly in the entertainment and accomodation industry. Whenever it was, it was at about the time that Adam had had just enough time to start up a family, become disillusioned with his life, and wonder if the whole apple thing was really worth a one way ticket to exile in Newark, Iran. And for that matter, what the hell was Eve thinking? Maybe it would be a good time to disappear with that attractive countergirl down at the fig shop and start a new career selling low-mileage, previously owned camels. Or perhaps not. Just who the hell is this God guy, and where does he get off sending his own creation, made in his own image, packing? "Sure, Adam, have the gift of free will, but don't use it". Some gift. Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/The_Root_of_All_Evil From rcmurphy at gmail.com Mon May 8 03:03:17 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Mon May 8 03:03:19 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- Distraction -- Message-ID: Distraction (d?s?tr?k?sh?n) - First appeared in the English language nearly 5,000 years ago. It was initially used to describe a further attraction separate from the original engagement. Speaking of engagements, I was recently engaged to a fine young woman named Tabitha. We had been together for a few years, and I decided it was finally time to pop the question. She quickly accepted my offer, and the next day we went to find a ring. She picked a beautiful, and rather expensive, 2 ct. diamond encircled in a platinum band. She asked if she could have it right away, so I purchased it there on the spot, and paid in cash. Then, I took it out of its case and slipped it on her finger, and then all of the sudden she was gone. Ah well, it was more of a loss on her part than on mine. I got all of the great benefits of being in a relationship, and now I never have to worry about commitment. I wouldn't have minded a nice bachelor party, though. That's the only thing I regret. Anyway, the original meaning of distraction has only changed ever so slightly from when it was originally introduced. Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Distraction From rcmurphy at gmail.com Wed May 10 04:27:11 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Wed May 10 04:27:13 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- Insert title here -- Message-ID: [Insert title here] [Insert introduction text here] [Insert sentence explaining the subject's relationship with Oprah, Hitler and Jesus here] [Insert anachronism here] [Insert in-joke that only your school gets here] [Insert an extremely large number of linebreaks here] [Insert reference to the subject's sexual orientation here] [Insert kitten huffing joke here] [Insert sentence filled with other references to kittens here] [Insert not-so-subtle allusion to masturbation and God here] [Insert explanation why God hates the article subject here, unless the subject is God, in which case insert explanation why God hates this article here] [Insert dirty sex joke here] [Insert maximum number of expletives possible here] [Insert here] [Insert another dirty joke involving Oscar Wilde and Your Mom here - Attention! Inserting Your Mom is obligatory] Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Insert_title_here From rcmurphy at gmail.com Fri May 12 01:52:31 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Fri May 12 01:52:34 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- Citizen Kong -- Message-ID: Perhaps one of the most influential works in movie history, Citizen Kong depicts the lengthy rise and extremely rapid fall of a 25-foot gorilla. The film was the brainchild of Orson Welles, a man of incomparable talent, charm, dynamic energy, and climbing ability previously unseen in any other human, and unlikely to be seen again in any of our lifetimes. A man whose brain, quite literally, has children. The film deals with the life of Charles Foster Kong, a brilliant and determined newspaper publisher and gorilla, who finds that his inability to love anything except blond women really screws up his plans to become governor. Welles doesn't just play Kong; he becomes Kong. He loves like Kong, eats like Kong, and even plays the banjo like Kong. He is Kong to the extent that his very molecules are gorilla-shaped. All of this delivers a rare pathos to the role of the tragic simian, whose rise to supremacy is suddenly cut short when he's shot off the top of the Empire State Building by men in airplanes. Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Citizen_Kong From rcmurphy at gmail.com Sun May 14 02:31:38 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Sun May 14 02:31:40 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- Biggles -- Message-ID: Biggles, known as the Big White Fokker, was a popular British Hero through the troubled times of the 20th Century. With his erstwhile friend and sometime lover Ginger "Ginger" Gingerstone, Biggles fought in two world wars and participated in numerous minor skirmishes. Born in Lower Wangton, Essex, as Norris Odysseus Bigglesworth, he became a noted Wicket Keeper with the Wangton Cricket XI, with excellent ball handling skills. It is often suggested that but for the outbreak of war, Biggles may have found fame with his quick hands, stroking balls across wickets and stumps the length and breadth of England. Little is known of his early childhood, his father Charles Behemoth Bigglesworth was a Quantity Surveyor from Wigan, Lancashire, whilst his mother Deidre "Mumsy" Quimbury of London worked in Haberdashery. Her death in 1927 had a lasting effect on the young Biggles. Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Biggles From beesley at gmail.com Sun May 14 15:52:22 2006 From: beesley at gmail.com (Angela) Date: Sun May 14 15:58:32 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] What Uncyclopedians are doing In-Reply-To: <4467519D.1070704@wikia.com> References: <44662E00.8030006@wikia.com> <8b722b800605140831s39abd555j500b94f38c8a86c1@mail.gmail.com> <4467519D.1070704@wikia.com> Message-ID: <8b722b800605140852j60d7ab3fga992bf33b8e5a5e2@mail.gmail.com> Some interesting stats, and a proposal from Jimmy to spin off UnNews (forwarded here with his permission). What do you think? Angela -- Angela Beesley Wikimedia.org || Wikia.com > On 5/14/06, Jimmy Wales wrote: >> I did a very preliminary look at traffic patterns on uncyclopedia, just >> trying to understand them better. What are they doing? What are they >> interested in? >> >> Most of the topics are to be expected: Bush, Hitler, atrocities against >> cute animals :), as well as jabs at religion, nationalities. >> >> The one thing that jumped out at me as a possible "hit" site spinoff: >> "UnNews". >> >> My instinct is that UnNews is probably easier to write than wikinews, >> and a spinoff could have fun competing against wikinews for >> popularity. :) >> >> >> >> 460|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Citizen_Kong >> 363|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Oscar_Wilde >> 360|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/UnNews:Uncyclopedian_Attacked_by_Savage_Wikipedians >> >> 304|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/UnNews:Main_Page >> 285|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Kitten_huffing >> 267|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia >> 262|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Super_Smash_Bros._Brawl >> 240|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Forum:Village_Dump >> 239|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/George_W_Bush >> 231|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Boobs >> 221|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Kitten_Huffing >> 219|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Game >> 219|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/AAAAAAAAA%21 >> 215|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Departure_of_Fun/Unstory >> 214|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris >> 212|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:VFP >> 204|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Babel:Main_Page >> 200|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster >> 195|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/UnNews:BNP_councillor_denies_involvement_in_gay_porn_film >> >> 193|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:VFH >> 191|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/God >> 190|http://www.uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Logan >> 188|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/George_W._Bush >> 182|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Kitten_hurling_battle >> 168|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Germany >> 157|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Babel:Zh-hant/%E9%A6%96%E9%A0%81 >> 155|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Emo >> 154|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Adolf_Hitler >> 152|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Oltenia >> 151|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Best_of >> 150|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Romania >> 148|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Poland >> 147|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Votes_for_deletion >> 145|http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Insert_title_here From dgerard at gmail.com Sun May 14 17:01:48 2006 From: dgerard at gmail.com (David Gerard) Date: Sun May 14 17:07:55 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] What Uncyclopedians are doing In-Reply-To: <8b722b800605140852j60d7ab3fga992bf33b8e5a5e2@mail.gmail.com> References: <44662E00.8030006@wikia.com> <8b722b800605140831s39abd555j500b94f38c8a86c1@mail.gmail.com> <4467519D.1070704@wikia.com> <8b722b800605140852j60d7ab3fga992bf33b8e5a5e2@mail.gmail.com> Message-ID: On 14/05/06, Angela wrote: > Some interesting stats, and a proposal from Jimmy to spin off UnNews > (forwarded here with his permission). > What do you think? I don't think it needs to be spun off. It fits right in with Uncyclopedia as a general parody of Wikimedia - see [[Uncyclomedia Foundation]], which I wrote most of the current version of ;-) Then there's UnMeta, which Chron has on his own personal site to satisfy the Uncyclopedians' fondness for in-jokes. I'd be reluctant to spin out an area based on current popularity - when [[User:Some user]] was hard at work on it, late last year and early this year, the "making up quotes" bit was good enough and getting enough articles to get its own namespace. I might be perceiving it wrongly, but now that he's left (in a huff), it's gathering cobwebs by comparison. I think UnNews has more legs than that - fake news is fun to write, parodying current events is much easier than parodying an encyclopedia well, while there are a lot of fake news sites I can't think of any that openly encourage readier contributions in the same way, and the UnNews Audio is a whole new outlet for Uncyclopedians' creativity - but I don't see a conceptual, creaor or reader need to separate it out. And unnews.org has already been squatted, gah. - d. From elvis at elves.name Sun May 14 19:48:13 2006 From: elvis at elves.name (Stephen Elves) Date: Sun May 14 20:52:27 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] What Uncyclopedia are doing In-Reply-To: Message-ID: <001601c6778f$575bcae0$0f00000a@elvisnet.local> I think I've got agree with Dave on this (although I've not been around that much so my opinion should probably carry quite a bit less weight). Elvis > -----Original Message----- > From: uncyclopedia-l-bounces@wikia.com [mailto:uncyclopedia-l- > bounces@wikia.com] On Behalf Of David Gerard > Sent: 14 May 2006 18:02 > To: uncyclopedia-l@wikia.com > Subject: Re: [Uncyclopedia-l] What Uncyclopedians are doing > > On 14/05/06, Angela wrote: > > > Some interesting stats, and a proposal from Jimmy to spin off UnNews > > (forwarded here with his permission). > > What do you think? > > > I don't think it needs to be spun off. It fits right in with > Uncyclopedia as a general parody of Wikimedia - see [[Uncyclomedia > Foundation]], which I wrote most of the current version of ;-) Then > there's UnMeta, which Chron has on his own personal site to satisfy > the Uncyclopedians' fondness for in-jokes. > > I'd be reluctant to spin out an area based on current popularity - > when [[User:Some user]] was hard at work on it, late last year and > early this year, the "making up quotes" bit was good enough and > getting enough articles to get its own namespace. I might be > perceiving it wrongly, but now that he's left (in a huff), it's > gathering cobwebs by comparison. > > I think UnNews has more legs than that - fake news is fun to write, > parodying current events is much easier than parodying an encyclopedia > well, while there are a lot of fake news sites I can't think of any > that openly encourage readier contributions in the same way, and the > UnNews Audio is a whole new outlet for Uncyclopedians' creativity - > but I don't see a conceptual, creaor or reader need to separate it > out. > > And unnews.org has already been squatted, gah. > > > - d. > _______________________________________________ > Uncyclopedia-l mailing list > Uncyclopedia-l@wikia.com > http://lists.wikia.com/mailman/listinfo/uncyclopedia-l > > -- > No virus found in this incoming message. > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > Version: 7.1.392 / Virus Database: 268.5.6/338 - Release Date: 12/05/2006 > -- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.1.392 / Virus Database: 268.5.6/338 - Release Date: 12/05/2006 From dgerard at gmail.com Sun May 14 21:04:47 2006 From: dgerard at gmail.com (David Gerard) Date: Sun May 14 21:04:51 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] What Uncyclopedia are doing In-Reply-To: <001601c6778f$575bcae0$0f00000a@elvisnet.local> References: <001601c6778f$575bcae0$0f00000a@elvisnet.local> Message-ID: On 14/05/06, Stephen Elves wrote: > I think I've got agree with Dave on this (although I've not been around > that much so my opinion should probably carry quite a bit less weight). Well, I've been doing bugger-all lately, so mine should carry even less! It's my opinionation slimming plan. - d.# From katiefromuncyc at gmail.com Sun May 14 22:33:36 2006 From: katiefromuncyc at gmail.com (Katie (keitei)) Date: Sun May 14 22:33:42 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] What Uncyclopedia are doing In-Reply-To: References: <001601c6778f$575bcae0$0f00000a@elvisnet.local> Message-ID: Well, sort of on this vein... We've been wanting to set up some interviews for UnNews, and Jimbo is at the top of the list! Does this mean he'd allow us to heckle interview him? I should probably email him anyhow... -Katie From dgerard at gmail.com Sun May 14 22:36:18 2006 From: dgerard at gmail.com (David Gerard) Date: Sun May 14 22:36:20 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] What Uncyclopedia are doing In-Reply-To: References: <001601c6778f$575bcae0$0f00000a@elvisnet.local> Message-ID: On 14/05/06, Katie (keitei) wrote: > Well, sort of on this vein... We've been wanting to set up some > interviews for UnNews, and Jimbo is at the top of the list! Does this > mean he'd allow us to heckle interview him? I should probably > email him anyhow... It'd probably make a change from the usual FAQ fodder! Just tell him Uncyclopedia lured you onto Wikipedia ... - d. From rcmurphy at gmail.com Wed May 17 02:53:28 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Wed May 17 02:53:31 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- HowTo:Avoid speeding tickets/fines -- Message-ID: Here at Uncyclopedia, we do not wish to promote the practise of driving above the designated speed limit. This of course is highly dangerous: as every good driver knows, once a car exceeds 65mph, the speed barrier is broken, causing the vehicle to explode in a fit of spontaneous combustion. However, because traffic cops are such tightwads, they are constantly on the lookout for innocent motorists who serve as potential 'speeders'. Although these motorists may be travelling at a completely reasonable speed (130mph), the typical police officer is required to pull over and fine at least fifty motorists per day in order to rake in the obligatory total of drug/beer/doughnut/prostitute money the police force needs to amount to keep in business. This, as one can imagine, is quite a hefty sum, so it is unsurprising to be pulled over by a policeman at regular intervals. That's why we have put together this handy guide to beat the feds and avoid receiving those irritating speeding tickets and fines. Plus! Now thickhead intercontinentally friendly! Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/HowTo:Avoid_speeding_tickets/fines From rcmurphy at gmail.com Fri May 19 02:47:08 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Fri May 19 02:47:11 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- Uncyclopedia is the worst -- Message-ID: To everyone who will listen to me, please do not go here because Uncyclopedia is the worst! None of its entries are ever funny after the first sentence. It is a total piece of junk. For example, it makes fun of India, New Mexico , America, and many other countries. World terrorists who create wreck and havoc are judged as world leaders! Celebreties such as Bob Saget are treated as dictators! What kind of junky junky junky junky junky junk is this? If you go here tha tmeans you are ghey. You guys suck. Your ideas about humour are lame. I suspect you all of being sophomoric lower beings, possibly Americans, who still have not tapped into the inner truth of irony beyond that crappy Alanis Morisette song...Seriously, I did not think it was possible, but you are far, far more evil than Jimbo Wales and Wikipedia. Why? Because you are control freak humour FASCISTS. The only purpose for the Uncyclopedia is to let a group of internet fASCISTS spend all their days e-burning e-pages. It's true and you no it. Don't e-lynch me because you are in denial. Have you even heard of Dada? I doubt it. Buttmunchers. Oh. You are buttmunchers. Oscar Wilde? Who gives a shit? Not funny in any sense ever. Your injokes are not funny, not even slightly. Seriously. Zork? stop masturbating or you'll need brail computers. What's up with you people? Are you hi? I HATE UNCYCLOPEDIA! I HATE UNCYCLOPEDIA! I HATE UNCYCLOPEDIA! I HATE UNCYCLOPEDIA! I HATE UNCYCLOPEDIA! HATE HATE HAT!!!!! Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Uncyclopedia_is_the_worst From rcmurphy at gmail.com Tue May 23 01:23:49 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Tue May 23 01:23:52 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- Colossus of Barbie -- Message-ID: The Colossus of Barbie is a monument constructed during the Sixteenth Dynasty of Ancient Egypt, probably during the reign of King Piffic of Knossjob. Piffic erected the statue in honor of his mother (or possibly sister), Queen Barbie of Egyptian Malibu, Thebes and Luxor, believed to be the daughter of Queen Midge of Lesbos, and her husband (or possibly brother) Mattal, King of Kings, Scion of Scions ? a direct descendent of the Moon God, Testecles. Located on a high plateau overlooking the Valley of the Kings, not far from her mother's tomb in the Valley of the Dolls, and next door to the local Pizza Hut, the Colossus of Barbie is 175 feet in height and 400 hundred feet from the tip of her toes to the top of her head. It was built by the slave labor of two thousand Kens. Constructed of large stone blocks, each weighing 220 lbs., the Colossus contains numerous chambers, including Barbie's Malibu Antechamber and Barbie's Malibu False Tomb. (The actual Tomb of Barbie has yet to be breached, and her treasure trove is secured by a 17-ton sculpture of a maiden's head.) Her face, now worn down by sand and wind, still shows the wisp of a knowing smile, one whose meaning only a woman can understand. Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Colossus_of_Barbie From rcmurphy at gmail.com Thu May 25 03:14:57 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Thu May 25 03:15:02 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- Banana Skin Joke -- Message-ID: Modern man. He walks with confidence. He wears shoes. He never slips. The banana is his nemesis. The original: A man walks down a street, slips on a banana skin and falls over. That's it. The pure form. It might not seem like much in today's laser powered world of comedy, but when it first appeared in 1913 it was the funniest thing on the music hall scene. It easily beat Jugs Mahony's Spoon Dance and it fended off strong competition from The Singing Duck of Dresden. Today, it lives on in collective memory as an example of primitive early humor, sort of like Benny Hill does, but less frightening. The French Version: A woman, in high heels, with a poodle called "Oui Oui", walks down the street, slips on a banana skin and falls over revealing a shocking degree of ankle in the process. This version was very popular in France for a while before it was banned by Charles de Gaulle because it gave him cramps. Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Banana_Skin_Joke From rcmurphy at gmail.com Sat May 27 04:19:05 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Sat May 27 04:26:26 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- HowTo:Change a lightbulb -- Message-ID: The strange art of lightbulb changing is a painful mystery for most. Many brave men have met their doom trying to figure out how to replace a burnt-out lightbulb. But remember: once you tread the dark path of lightbulbchangery, forever will it dominate your destiny. All right then. First we need to dislodge the burnt-out lightbulb. How? Throw bricks at it, obviously. Drink six (6) cans of beer. Make sure you are drunk. If not, repeat step 1. Clutch a brick. Take your time and feel its weight. Focus your anger towards the bulb. Feel free to mutter of its evil, or scream obscenities at the top of your lungs. Aim the brick. Throw the brick. Er. Throw it at the lightbulb, that is. If you miss, observe which priceless artifact in the home has been broken, and repeat step 4 and upwards. If you smash that bulb, congratulations. Have another beer, man. Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/HowTo:Change_a_lightbulb From rcmurphy at gmail.com Mon May 29 06:16:07 2006 From: rcmurphy at gmail.com (Ryan Murphy) Date: Mon May 29 06:16:10 2006 Subject: [Uncyclopedia-l] New featured article: -- Goa Tse -- Message-ID: Goa Tse (also spelt "Goatze", "Goa'Tse") was a Taoist monk in the line of Chuang Tse (Tzu), active in the Chinese province of Yughease around 455 BC. Famous for writing an early I Ching lecture book, Goa Tse was to become a key figure within Chinese philosophical thinking, and although many of the tales surrounding him are more mythological than historical, a number of facts about his life have survived. Little is known of Goa Tse's early life. He first comes into prominence as a courtier during the reign of the Zhou Ophile Dynasty. China during the 4th Century BCE was a time of transition, with invaders from both the west and east infringing upon the kingdom's territory. It was into this maelstrom of activity that the young Goa Tse began to expound a new approach to life. Whilst meditating on the Noble Truth of the Buddha: "Existence is suffering", Goa Tse attempted the complicated Yoga manouver "Rabbit digs the burrow", and discovered his personal path to enlightenment. Read more: http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Goa_Tse